January 2012
3 posts
Standards are too high, I’m never ever ever never ever ever ever good enough to be the best
that picture below seriously haunts the fucking shit out of me. God, I don’t talk about this at all on here really.. but all of this bullshit has been on my mind a lot lately. The memories and the debate going back and forth, back and forth, should I do it, should I not, should I, I shouldn’t. When I heard that an eating disorder stays with you forever I didn’t really believe it....
December 2011
2 posts
1 tag
I am in so much pain, and it doesn’t remind me of how hard I was working… it reminds me how short this career could be
This is tough. Not really sure what to say right now except that I want to rewind to 2006 because even though everything was horrible, I was comfortable. Where did all of my will power and discipline go?! I was 13, don’t you think an 18 year old would have more self control than a little 13 year old?
Seriously once I move back home it could go either way.. +20 or -20. Theres no in...
November 2011
4 posts
Today a kid I went to Buckeye with hung himself. I wasn’t friends with him, nor did I know him very well. He was in one of my history classes and all I know is that he was that kind of jokester, trouble maker kind of kid.
Even though I wasn’t close with him, it still touched my heart. Knowing that someone was in that much pain to take their own life is just heartbreaking for me....
3 tags
1. Don’t pull your leotard down so it looks like it has shorts, it makes you look retarded, frumpy, and fucking gay.
2. What’s the point of wearing a skirt if it isn’t going to cover your ass? Don’t wear it.
3. This is a ballet class, don’t fucking tease your hair and put it in a messy bun.
4. Don’t come to class pretending like you’re injured and sit...
2 tags
October 2011
5 posts
A DAY IN THE LIFE.: I hate my mother. People don’t... →
kaitbanks:
I hate my mother. People don’t understand that when I say it, it’s real feelings. Everyone thinks I should forgive her and have a great relationship with her. No. I never fucking will. I was sitting in class today trying so God damn hard to hold back tears over this fucking stupid movie called 28…
i know initial reaction to something that happened to you is why me. And it...
I feel like I’m falling apart. I lost friends and haven’t gained any. I was sick for weeks and I now have to drop out of classes. I feel like I’m in the process of losing someone that I never want to let go of. This is all scary
1 tag
Perfection:
To me, being perfect is the most important thing in the world. Being perfect just doesn’t mean you’re perfect and that’s it. Being perfect means so much more. Perfection is looking beautiful, saying the right things, having an incredible talent, doing the right thing, just being the best. I don’t know about you, but for me, perfection is what I want. So many different...
My last post was happy and whatnot, so I guess it’s time for a more miserable post.
Well, what is it.. week 6 of school? I have mono. Which explains SO much. Being incredibly tired, and when I say incredibly tired I don’t mean I yawn and want to nap.. I mean I was in ballet with my eyes drooping, I couldn’t keep my arms up, and I felt like I was dying. Plus being cold and just...
September 2011
1 post
I haven’t used dis bitch in a long time. In college now, weeeee. Dancing erryday. A lot of ballet, everyday for 2 hours. Modern twice a week for 2 hours.. which is just way to much because I hate Tom Smith. And then throw some random rehearsal times in there at night mixed in with english comp, psych, and speech during the day. I love college and the fact that I’ve been consuming...
August 2011
3 posts
These next few months are going to be so hard to deal with. With only 19 more days till my first day of classes, I find myself having a huge meltdown. I am stressing out so much about the preparation of school, the transition becoming an adult, not being at the studio, not competing as much as I have been doing for the past few years, losing friends, all of this just sucks. I’m crying right...
Watchfinally figured out how to do this.. it just needs some work now ha
July 2011
1 post
ABC’s of Food
A: is for Apple, what’s your favorite variety? Mcintosh
B: is for Bread, regardless of nutrition, calories, or whole grains what is your favorite type to have a nice big piece of? sourdough mmmm C: is for Cereal what is your favorite kind currently (just one!) Special K, the plain kind D: is for Doughnuts, you might not currently be eating them but what kind do you fancy?
...
May 2011
8 posts
1 tag
Growing up is scary shit. I feel like with college in afew months and my friends changing on me, I’m actually starting to understand the concept of ‘growing up’. All of this college stuff is stressing me out so much, and I just don’t know what to do with any of it. I’m scrolling through the website trying to find anything about placement tests and I can’t find...
Watch
I dont really talk about this shit on my tumblr, well or anywhere, but it just hit me and my tumblr app was right there so.. I dont care. But, anyways i just ran into a stupid five letter word that brings back memories like no other, purge. Just thinking, saying, or reading that word gives me a weird feeling. Its like a mix between comfort, anxiety, and a compulsive feeling. Just seeing the word...
I love my new job..
I had orientation today and found out I get 50% off my first $300 then 45% anything beyond 300. I just about died.. haha
I got so much cute shit.. all coming to $330. But I got it all for $168. I got a pair of dark wash skinnies, dark wash flaired, high wasted white trousers, bright blue sweater with diamond buttons, a graphic tee, a white flowy shirt, and a deep purple sequin tank. love love...
April 2011
8 posts
March 2011
8 posts
Tonight will consist of alot of stretching, releves, crying, and punching. Fuck you, I DO NOT CARE.
I hate talking about college, and not just because i didnt get into Point Park. The whole finance shit that i honestly dont know anything about..
My parents do help with tuition for my sister and are going to help me, but since theyre paying for two schools and my sisters school is double the cost of mine, i wont have much help from them. Also, my grandparents on my moms side help a shitttton with...
I finally got my letter today, from Point Park. I didn’t get into their dance program. So, I will be going to Akron instead.. I shouldn’t be too down on myself. I mean, 1,000 people audition for their freshman dance program and there are only 85 new freshman dancers a year. Plus, Akron’s dance program is in the top 20 dance departments in the country. I know so many people who...
Rant.
This is fucking bulllllshittttt. It’s MY body, MY life. Why the fuck do I not have a say into what happens to ME?
Not only does this fuck with competitions, it fucks with my college applications. I still have to take my Akron placement classes and guess what. The next fucking classes are in march. So guess what mom and dad.. If i dont get into point park, which i know i wont, i wont be...
February 2011
1 post
January 2011
14 posts
WatchYesterday at the Kalahari competition. I got 1st out of 5, but the fact that my thumb was broken and my rose broke in the very begining, so I couldn’t rip it up and throw it everywhere like I was supposed to, pissed me off
Watch
1 tag
F.M.L.
I am so mf stressed, I don’t know how to handle it! When I’m stressed like this I hold major tention in my back and right now I am dying of the following:
Back pain
Frustration
Anger
Disapointment
Fear
Time
And there’s so much more but I can’t put it into one word. There is just too much for me to handle right now. I donttttttt know wwwwww whaaaat tooooo...
