that picture below seriously haunts the fucking shit out of me. God, I don’t talk about this at all on here really.. but all of this bullshit has been on my mind a lot lately. The memories and the debate going back and forth, back and forth, should I do it, should I not, should I, I shouldn’t. When I heard that an eating disorder stays with you forever I didn’t really believe it. Well now I do. For the past 5 and a half years I don’t think there has been one day where I have not had a thought revolved around food, weight, my body, etc. Not one fucking day in almost six years that I’ve gotten a break from this shit. I hate it, I fucking hate it. I think maybe this shit would be easier if I was 95 again like the picture, I know it’s not but I feel like sometimes I have nothing to lose because I know the thoughts will never, ever leave.
January 6th
